Patience

They say that prayer is when you talk to God, and meditation is when He talks to you.  I will be the first to admit that I am terrible at meditation.  Stopping my brain from spinning for even a few seconds is laughably difficult for me.  Like any skill you wish to develop, practice is the key to success...so I am making a better effort at spending time quieting my mind, removing distraction, and tuning in to what the Holy Spirit has to say.

This evening as I sat on my balcony, my mind on overdrive as a usual, I asked the question, "what should I write about?"  I am blogging again, and I am so excited!  I am going through all of my old blogs (there are so many!!) and loving that all of this information has been tucked away.  Now, I feel prompted to pull it out and share it.  Problem is that there is so much already written and so much more in my head that I just get lost on where to start!

Enter the answer.

Patience.  What?  My old nemesis?  One of the fruits of the spirit I struggle with daily?  Yep.  That one.  Surely I have written about it already.  I get up, compelled to search for an old blog...nothing.  Nada.  Seriously? 

I suppose I have never written about it, because my life has been a mad rush.  I was born busy.  My parents will tell you that I was crawling out of my crib before I could walk.  I was wandering the neighborhood, just looking for someone to play with, while still in diapers.  I learned to ride a bike before anyone had a chance to put training wheels on.  I was 3.  I totally remember it.  Patience?  It wasn't modeled in my home, nor was it taught. 

There was no time to waste in my life!  I had so much to explore, so much to do!  There were trees to climb and kids to play with.  Later, there were a million books to read, and parties to go to.  I never slowed down.

The problem was that I expected everyone to go at the same speed.  I didn't understand that people weren't wired like me.  Why weren't they curious?  Why weren't they keeping up?  Why didn't they get with my program?  It was well into adulthood that I finally understood... many damaged relationships later...

In my 40's, I was in full blown survival mode.  Living faster than ever to keep up with the demands of single parenthood in an uncertain economy.  Hustle was all I knew.  Thank goodness I knew it well. I pushed and pushed and pushed.  And one day...I didn't need to work so much anymore. 

Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for my ability to make it all work out.  It took it's toll, and God has made it very clear that it is time to learn that PATIENCE is my next big lesson.  I am taking on 2 brand new businesses.  (Because hey, one would be boring)  I am meeting people who move as fast as I do, but I serve those who don't.  Inhale...

My energy will now be directed at learning the art of patience.  I love patient people.  Lord knows, I need them in my circle.  They amaze me with the ability to be still.  I am thinking I won't ever slow down completely, but it definitely has been nice to find a cruising altitude and enjoy the ride.

The apostle Paul mentions the need for patience over and over again.  When I find myself wanting the blessings immediately, I pray that I remember the "wonderful future" He has promised, and wait on His timing.  Talk about an exercise in self discipline!  Leaning not on my understanding, but on His. 

Grateful for the moment I am in, instead of wishing for the next one.  What a concept!  My prayer is that the person who needs to read this, does.  Breathe, pray, be still, and know.  And THEN go!

Ephesians 4:2 Be humble and gentle.  Be patient with each other...

Any Given Day lives on...Jesus is the Man!

I have decided that instead of wasting my time writing about relationships with men, I will spend my time writing about my relationship with THE MAN.  Jesus, the human representation of the Almighty Himself!

I imagine Him with a twinkle in his eye, a sly sense of humor, a self-depreciating style, and a sense of quietness about Him.  He was wise, yet never made others feel ignorant.  Ok, maybe some of those guys that needed a smack upside the head...

He was gentle and kind, yet fiercely protective of his flock.  He respected and admired women, and oh how hard that must have been to fight those biological urges...dang!

My guess is he was pretty hot.  Women threw themselves at him, without a doubt.  Oh to have that self control...we can only pray for it, right?

It's what I am praying for most these days...  patience, kindness, and self control...my toughest fruits.

I need to keep my eyes where they belong...on Him.  I need to be faithful that He will deliver the promised goods, at the appointed time, when I will understand and appreciate the gift.  Like a rose cut at just the right time, it will blossom into the most amazing flower...

Prayer for right now:

Hey Lord, could you give me a little patience and self control, please?  I having a tough time of it right now and it sure is easy to lose my faith these days.  Even in the darkest places of my brain, I know you are there, waiting for me to "get it."  Please help me "get it" and move on, and be who it is you want me to shine as.  With your favor I ask for some kind of sign that I am headed in the right direction and that things won't be quite so tough forever...thank you, as always, from the bottom of my heart, for your version of the perfect man.  Amen.

Light and Dark

It's been a while since I posted on this blog.  I finished the book, and figured I would move on to other subjects.  The events of the last two weeks have moved me to write here again...

I had a conversation with my son today about fear.  As I have written about many times before, fear is the base of all negative emotion and behavior.  It is Satan's best friend and his most effective tool.

I told my youngest child, who is fearful of change, that fear can be managed...and then I stopped.  I had recently let fear get the best of me.  It created a cascade of events that led to more fear involving someone that I cared deeply for.  Satan had done his number...again!  By the time I realized that he was using both of our fears against us, to keep us apart, my next fear was that it was too late to repair the damage I had contributed to.  My fear was furthered within days by more evidence that once again, love had slipped through my fingers...

Tears came to my eyes as I then explained how fear is the darkness.  When we turn to the light, the shadows disappear and joy can be found.  Joy is unstable however, and the shadow lurkers want company.  I made my son look me in the eye.  I explained that courage is the ability to turn around and face the shadows.  Staring them down makes them shrink away.  Why?  Because there is a light within each of us that believe.  When we face our fears, they shrink away into what they really are...figments of our imagination and lies.

I almost became a victim of fear again.  No matter what the outcome of the current events, I have the light.  I will turn to it and let the shadows stay behind me.  When I need to face them again, hopefully, I will be better at seeing the game that the evil one plays.  I will shine the light that is within me and be strengthened by the light that stands behind me.

I have spend weeks in prayer.  Praying for me, my family, and the person that I hurt.  I will face whatever is next with courage, celebrate the light, and accept failure as a part of life.  I will feel sadness, but not fear.  The darkness won't win ever again.  AMEN

Reaching out

We spend so much time focusing on our issues. We are faced with challenges, overwhelmed with responsibilities, consumed by details, focused on past pain, present circumstances, and future fears.

Everyone has something to worry about, real concerns that need attention. We pray that God fixes our problems or brings us what we long for, and then we wait, frustrated and confused, for answers...

What if we worried about someone else? What if we started noticing other people's pain and reached out to help? What if we took the energy we spent worrying about ourselves and expended it on empathy for a perfect stranger?

On the days we feel most worthless, perhaps we could do something worthwhile? On the days we feel deprived, perhaps we could offer something of value to someone who has less?

Maybe God is waiting on us to show Him what we are asking Him for? Maybe in order to receive, we need to do more giving? Maybe, just maybe, we need to feel safe by risking more.

2Corinthians 9:6

He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.

Still alive!

What are your first thoughts upon waking? Depends on the day? Depends on your current relationship situation? Your family functionality? Your job status? Your weight?

Upon waking, our first thoughts can and many times do, define our day. Are you thankful and joyful, or mournful and full of dread? Do you take a moment to take stock? Do you plan your day? Does your laundry list of to do items overwhelm you before you throw the covers back?

We give very little thought to the our first waking moments, yet they are perhaps the most important of the day.

You woke up, therefore you are alive! God isn't keeping you here to use up valuable resources, so there is a reason. Are you aware of what it is? Are you thankful for another opportunity to serve him?

God has been around a lot longer than us. He will be around a lot longer that we will. His will is done, whether we cooperate or not. Wake up and face what the day has to offer, your attitude will determine much of what happens!

A morning prayer:

God, thank you for this day. It is ripe with new opportunity to do your work. Help me to keep from moaning and complaining about all of my work and responsibilities. Allow your Glory to shine in all that I do, even the most mundane tasks. Grant me patience and wisdom as I move about my business and remind me that each day is precious and a wonderful gift! AMEN

Peace

We have a powerful enemy. He lies to our hearts and tells us that we are not worthy of love, or forgiveness, or joy. We run around our lives searching for the magic bullet that will make us feel better, never understanding that the peace we long for already resides in us.

Stop believing the lies. You are good enough and worthy enough for happiness. Real happiness, the kind that comes from knowing that there is a God who loves you. Loves you more than you can even imagine.

True peace can be found by quieting your mind, letting go of the lies, telling yourself the truth and best of all believing it!

YOU ARE A ONE OF A KIND MASTERPIECE AND YOU ARE LOVED!

Phillipians 4:6-7

A prayer for those who are struggling to find peace:

God, thank You for loving me! You created me for purpose and life. Help me to feel the peace you know I crave so badly. Help me to let go of the lies that I have believed for so long. Keep me grounded in the reality that you have my best interests at heart and the challenges that I face are designed to teach me how to rely on You. Your Son paid the price for my sin, I no longer need to carry that burden. AMEN

A letter to my Creator

Dear God,

Thank you for making me! I was wonderfully woven together with a big plan in mind. I am sorry for falling short on so many occasions. I am sorry for trying to do Your job. I am grateful that You are so loving and forgiving!

I have learned a lot recently:

I learned that You have great plans for me and I intend to hold up my end.

I learned that I am worthy of love from worthy people.

I learned that I am not a failure in Your eyes. My identity is not measured by my circumstances.

I learned that I belong to a wonderful group of people that You call family.

I know that You have much more to reveal to me, and I will embrace each day as a new adventure that You have placed before me.

Love,

Your Creation